Chowderhead: Work in progress - Stress, control, and anger
I've been working with my therapist on stress, control, frustration, and anger management.Stress and feelings of loss of control/no control lead to frustration which leads to anger. Stress & lack of control aren't the only causes of my anger but they are major contributors. She and I are working on strategies for me to use when I feel stressed or out of control. If we can head me off from getting frustrated, then we have a good chance of keeping me from getting angry. We're working on changing the way I perceive things. And coming up with healthy techniques I can use to control my stress and frustration. I need to let go of the things I have no control over. I need to let go of the peanuts more often. I want to change. I want to get back to the way I was. I don't like being angry and irritable all the time. Angry, irritable, catty, bitchy, and prickly are all parts of my personality but I never tended to be any of those things for any length of time. I don't know what triggered me to start being angry and irritable all the time.
No matter. These feelings and thoughts do me no good. They're bad for me. They're bad for my wife. They'll be bad for the baby. They build up inside until I reach critical mass and then I blow up. Like a volcano. Like a nuclear bomb. Laying waste to everything and everyone in my path. Then I'm left feeling embarrassed and ashamed by my behavior. And all the apologizing I have to do to people for acting like such a colossal a-hole. Like I said, these negative thoughts & feelings do me no good.
Some of the things I'm trying to let go of getting upset at:
- Lazy co-workers. They don't care. No good would come of me getting upset or making comments about them and their work ethic. They are probably not very happy at their jobs and are trying to get out of it. I actually do enjoy my work most days so I need to focus on me and the satisfaction I get from accomplishing something and doing a good job.
- Lousy drivers. They are clueless and don't care. As long as they aren't hitting me or my car. I need to let it go. Me getting upset or making comments won't affect them or their actions.
- Clueless people: Who jay walk in front of traffic without looking, therefore forcing drivers to slow down for them. Who take up extra spaces on the bus with all their crap. Who stand right in front of elevator doors and try to get on the elevator before letting you get off. Who park their cars so close to your's it's difficult for you to get in your car. Who are too lazy to take their shopping cart to the shopping cart pen in the parking lot or back to the front of the store. They are who they are, nothing I say or do will make a difference in their behavior. BUT I can change how I react and feel about it. Me getting mad at these people won't change their behavior. But it will get me mad and make my blood pressure rise. So I need to let it go.
- My sister: For not coming up & visiting the dad more and helping more with taking care of our dad. For the piss poor job she does when she does take care of my dad. She is who she is. Nothing I say or do will change her behavior. Anything I do say will just make her resistant to coming up more/helping with the dad. So I'm better off changing how I feel about the situation.
I want to be well on my way with this before the baby arrives. I know I'll have very little control when the baby arrives. Other than providing food and a good environment for the baby, we'll have very little control of it's behavior. So I figure the sooner I start the better off everyone in my life will be.
Labels: ChowderHead 101, Update
posted by ChowderHead @ 1/07/2008 10:30:00 PM
2 Comments:
It's good that you're working on your issues. I've always believed that we all need a good non-biased third party to vent our frustrations to.
You're so right. She's able to give me a different perspective on things. Sometimes she agrees. Other times she'll have a different interpretation of things.
Either way it's good.
I've always known I needed to let go of things but it helps to hear it from a profressional.
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