Please help me
Hello HRH here,My humans don't know I can work this thing. (But I've been watching the big one and think I get the idea.)
This is a plea for help.
The 2 leggers I have aren’t worth a crap. I think they have Alzheimers or something. THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM. They ain’t right. Maybe they were dropped on their heads too many times when they were puppies. I don’t know. What I do know is they ain’t right.
Especially the big one. Boy he’s really stupid. Do you know how many fucking times a day I need to remind him where my treats are? He keeps asking me “Show me your treats” and I have to show him. They’re in the same fucking place they were last time you asked asshole. You didn’t move them. Believe me I’ve been watching! Or how many times he asks me “Who’s the good boy?” “I’m the good boy you stupid shit! I am! I just told you that a little while ago! What the fuck’s wrong with you? Why can’t you remember!” Need more proof he’s an idiot? He keeps asking me “Do you want a treat?” Of course I want a treat. What kind of a stupid question is that?!? Imbecile! I’m surprised he remembers to breathe!
And the smaller one. She’s not much better. Always calling me to her and then scooping me up for a “snuggle”. Well guess what lady, I HATE that shit!! Why do you think I keep squirming? It’s NOT to get more comfortable! It’s to get away from Y-O-U! And all the brushing and nail clipping. What the fuck do you think I am? A girl? Just because you bastards cut off my balls DOES NOT make me a girl! I’m a boy dog you dumbshits. Didn’t you notice my winkie? You missed that while you were cutting away!
Why can’t you 2 remember your SIMPLE duties to keep my food bowl full at all times, the treats coming, the toy bin full, and the door open for me to go out for my run? Again more proof I got a lousy deal!
So my plea is this: I need more food, more treats, and more toys to eviscerate. My 2 leggers don’t seem to understand.
posted by ChowderHead @ 7/15/2006 09:36:00 AM
10 Comments:
My darling Sweetpup! What are those 2-leggers doing to you?!? I think I need to stage an HRH coup and steal you away!
yes. please. Help. SOS.
Have you tried tilting your head and blinking?
yes. that worked early on but not any more. even they have caught on to that trick.
Well, then you will just have to develop a new trick for them.
I suppose so.
Maybe some curry chicken will get their attention! ;)
now that's an idea! I'll have to get beret man to make some more. i couldn't stop eating it.
You know, I think you and my cat have been carrying on a secret internet correspondence. :)
nope. wasn't me. must be some other internet pooch.
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