Busy in NJ
Hello,
Sorry I haven't posted since my trip started. The NJ project has kept me busy. Getting to the office early, running all day, and getting out when I can.
I'll post more about my trip this weekend.
New Jersey bound
I'm headed to NJ tomorrow so you may not hear much from me this week.- Things have calmed down around the house.
- HC and I are getting along better now.
- Thankgiving came and went fairly quietly.
- TAG went back to DC on Saturday.
I'm looking forward to the change in place.
I'll contact EAP when I get home. I need better coping mechanisims for things that bug me. I also need to learn to stop worrying so much. I also need to stop listening/playing the negative tapes in my head. (I'm not good enough, I missed something, I can do better, etc..)
These are going to be tough since they've been ingrained in me since I was young. Parents!! Whatcha gonna do?!?!
They mean well but sometimes make a mess!!!!
Letting go of some peanuts
In the past few months I’ve been getting more & more pinched up.
I’ve been frustrated about our financial situation. Frustrated over HC’s lack of gainful employment. Stressed with the extra responsibility at work. Stressed about the ever present rumors of outsourcing. Stressed about not spending enough time with the Daddy-o. Stressed about not being able to go out to dinner more. Stressed about not being able to buy new & groovy toys. Stressed about you freakin’ name it!
True. I had fun in DC and Dallas. Those trips helped a little. But as of late it’s felt like we weren’t having as much fun OR doing as many fun things as we used to. OR as often as I’d like. I hate feeling like I have to squeeze every penny AND analyze every spending decision. Living from paycheck to paycheck. I hate it!
I was feeling pressure: To be a good husband, to be a good son, to be a good worker. It didn’t feel like I had any time for me. When I’d get home from work I felt exhausted. Spent. Too damn tired to do much of anything except eat dinner and vege in front of the TV.
Too stressed to watch what I was eating or exercise. I just wanted to eat as I damn well pleased. (Like I used to be able to do.) Comfort food: Cheese steaks, fries, burgers, pizza, candy, mashed potatoes, gyros, sweets.
It didn’t help having TAG in the house. That added to the fun factor. I felt like I had less time AND space for me. And yes, Thanksgiving doesn't help me at all.
So it has been brewing in the Chowdery head and started to overflow this week.
I said and did some shitty, pissy, bitchy things this week that were hurtful to the HC. I used my words and we talked about it. I think it helped both of us. We agreed, I’ll be seeing my EAP person when I get back from NJ. I need some help or something.
The big thing is I was feeling like I was failing her and my dad. So much going on but I was barely keeping on top of it. You’d think with the salary I make we’d be OK. But it’s been paycheck to paycheck the past few months due to bills & misc. I haven’t spent as much time with my dad. I’m keeping up with work but not to my usual standards. Things aren’t slipping through the cracks but usually I have things under control ahead of time. I don’t usually have to be so reactionary.
Yeah. It is/was all self-inflicted. HC made me understand I’m not failing her. We are doing OK financially. Yes we are treading water but we are not sinking. And compared to our friends we’re actually in pretty good shape. Other than the mortgage, we have no debt. No car payments, no school loans, no credit card debt. I am doing OK at work. I’m their go to guy. And she thinks I’m doing OK with my dad too. If he needed/wanted something he’d let us know.
It really helped to hear those words from her. But I am going to see my EAP person to get some help. I know this will build up again and I’ll fall into another mood. It’s better I talk to someone to get perspective or coping ideas.
I know a lot of my crazy notions I got from my parents. I’m not blaming them. I’m just saying I think that’s where I picked up a lot of my ideas about duty, expectations, and what I should be doing. A lot of it has to do with never feeling good enough or doing enough or doing the right thing. I got a good dose of that kind of talk growing up. It wasn’t until my mid-thirties that a lot of that talk stopped. I don’t know what happened to change their tune but it changed.
But the second guessing and worrying still persist.
On the road
My manager asked my at 2:30 today if I could go the next couple of weeks to New Jersey. They were short handed and needed help with a project. Next week I'll be in New Jersey. Then home for a week and out to NJ again.
Holiday dinner at J's
The menu:- Mixed green salad
- Tuscan bread soup
- Casoulet
The soup was very tasty. Different than any soup I've had before. It's made like other soups. The finishing step is to add torn up pieces of bread and let it cook down and break up. As a result, the soup is a bit thicker and has an interesting texture.
Casoulet is a country French stew. J's version is made with beans, chicken, sausage, herb, tomato paste. Heavenly. Hot & hearty. Perfect for a cold November evening. TAG really enjoyed it. (She'd never had Casoulet before. She'd been deprived until tonight)
It was fun watching the 2 of them interact.
TAG: Which one is my room? When can I move in?
J: The one at the end of the hall.
J: Do you like how your red chairs look next to the fireplace.
TAG: Yes. They look great there. Are you putting the other 1 in my car?
TAG: That's a lovely ring. Can I try it on?
J: Sure.
TAG: Hey! I can't it off my finger!!!!
At the end of the night there was the obligatory pat down before TAG left J's.
It's good to know some things never change!
We love to eat. We love to cook. Yeah, yeah that's it.
TAG and I love to cook & eat. I'm not sure which we enjoy more. We've gotten HC in the act. When I first met her she ate to live. Now she's in the live to eat camp. This week's menu so far:Sunday: Surf & Turf. {Maryland Crab Cakes that TAG brought up from DC & NY Strip Steaks.} Brussels Sprouts sauteed with corn, garlic, and black beans. The crab cakes were outta sight. Mostly crab. Just enough filler to hold them together. The steaks medium rare. 5 minutes a side. Soft, supple, sweet, juicy. (Num, num, num, steak)Tonight: Herb encrusted roast Lamb. Pancetta and chestnut stuffing. Sauteed broccoli. The aroma of the lamb, as I walked through the door with my dad, was heavenly. Other worldly. intoxicating. Done masterfully. The stuffing is really, really good. So addictive. And different. Each bite you get a different flavor or texture. I prefer it.Tomorrow night: Dinner at J's. He'll have something delicious up his culinary sleeves. There's a box of chocolates with J's name on it. (Part of his belated birthday present.) From Mon Amiee Chocolate. Warning: If you're a diabetic, stay at least 30 feet away from the store. The contact buzz alone could mess with your blood sugar level. Lovely place. Great selection of chocolates and candies from around the world. We've come to be addicted to the Dolfin Belgium Herb & Spice variety pack. Really unique flavor combinations that work surprisingly well. For example, chocolate & cumin, chocolate & Earl Grey, and our favorite chocolate & cardomon. Who knew? Those crafty Belgians!What can I say?!? It's a tough job but somebody's got to do it!Life is too short to eat bad food.
Winners never quit. Quitters never win!
Changing direction or strategy is acceptable. Quitting is not.How will you succeed by quitting/not trying? What will you accomplish? What will you learn? In my experience, I have never succeeded at anything, accomplished anything, or gotten ahead without effort. Things have never "Just happened" for me without me taking action. Quitting was not an option when I was growing up. My parents had their own business and if any of us quit…”How would the bills get paid? What about food on the table? The roof over your head? The clothes on your back?” Things weren’t as touch and go as that. But my parents scared (and scarred) my sister and I into thinking that way. So not working was never an option.
Growing up we were always told: “If you want something. You’ll have to work for it.”, “You’ll appreciate it more if you earn it versus having it given to you”. As a kid I thought this was some kind of crazy adult logic. Now that I’m an adult, I get it. My parents and grandparents were right. I do appreciate things more when I’ve had to work for them versus having it given to me. If I had not tried, I would have never accomplished as much or appreciated what I have.
Now that I’m older I think about my ancestors who came to this country with not much more than the clothes on their back. How they struggled to learn a new language and customs. How they worked to make a life for themselves and their family. They didn’t go back to the old country. They didn’t quit.
I’m not saying: ” I’ve never quit in my life.” Or “I’ve never stopped trying to do something.” What I am saying is “In most things in my life I’ve given a true 100% effort. My best shot. If I can’t do X after giving it my best shot then I tried a different strategy OR I moved on to something else.” I can’t just say ”I can’t do X.” without giving it my best shot.
I have no respect for quitters. Quitting and quitters bother me because I’m naive and tend to feel most people are capable of succeeding when they try. In my experience, most things are possible if you try. I’m not saying everyone can climb Mt. Everest, paint a masterpiece, cure cancer, end world hunger, or write a timeless classic. What I am saying is we are capable of doing some pretty amazing things if we put some effort into the task at hand.
That being said. Quitting certain things is OK: Self-destructive behavior (Smoking, illegal drugs, etc..). Spending time with low quality/bad people. Thinking negative thoughts. Worrying about things outside of your control…
What "quality time" in Reagan National airport has wrought
On my way back from Dallas, I spent a few hours of "Quality time" waiting for my plane to PIT.
I spent the time listening to CD's, drinking beer, and thinking. I came up with a couple of posts. 1 regarding my thoughts on quitting/quitters. Another regarding arrogance.
The Amazing Grace is coming to town.
You've been warned!!! :-) The Amazing Grace (TAG) comes to town tomorrow afternoon so we'll take the dad out to dinner. Maybe get with J on Sunday so TAG can see his new house. It'll be funny watching the 2 of them go back & forth.
She's always after something from his house (in semi-jest). He get's worked up. They bicker & laugh. She persists. He gets nervous. They bicker & laugh. Then it's time to go home. J gives her the pat down...... Very funny stuff.
Let go of the peanuts
A friend posted about letting go of things that stressed her out, kept her down, worried her, etc... I made a remark about “Letting go of the peanuts”. Tiffanie wanted to know what I meant by that phrase…This is a bit long and drawn out but you need the background information to set up the proper context.
It’s something strange, silly, and profound. (This will give you a small taste of how the Chowdery mind works. Be fearful.) I saw this many years ago but didn’t understand the lesson from the story until decades later.
When I was young, the Mutual of Omaha Insurance Company sponsored a TV show called Wild Kingdom. Marlin Perkins would coolly narrate a scene as his faithful sidekick Jim Fowler wrestled with a Boa Constrictor or some such dangerous animal. The Amazing Grace and I were addicted to that show. Just loved it. I always thought it was funny how Marlin was always safe at the studio while poor Jim was “interacting” (wrestling, netting, darting, rolling, etc…) with a dangerous/deadly animal (Lion, tiger, Boa Constrictor, rhino, etc…).
Anyways, one of the segments they had illustrated how the natives of some far off exotic land captured monkeys.
The natives would take a coconut and drill 2 holes in it. 1 of the holes was used to attach a chain. The chain would be attached to a tree. The other hole was just large enough for a monkey to put his hand/paw in. The natives would then put peanuts into the coconut and wait for the monkeys. The monkeys would see the peanuts inside the coconut, reach into the coconut to get the peanuts and voila!! They’re caught.
The monkeys would not let go of the peanuts. They’d screech and scream, pull and tug at the chain, try to climb the tree but they would not let go of their prize. The natives would come up and either net or bonk the monkeys and scoop them away.
Years latter it dawned on me that sometimes I/we are like that monkey in regards to "life stuff". “If I let go of the peanuts I won’t get scooped up.” I can get so fixated on something I don’t see the solution. I need to let go (back away) to get perspective. Some things are in our control but so many of them are not. We need to let go of the things outside of our control. Otherwise we’re going to end up like that screeching monkey. Caught! When things are crazy, I try to remember to "let go of the peanuts". It's silly but it works for me.
I’m not sure this made any sense to you. I hope you don’t feel you’ve wasted your time reading this. But there you have it “Let go of the Peanuts!”
Wisdom from fortune cookies
"The good life is not a destination but a journey"How true!
S and A don't live there anymore
HC and I spent the day helping S, A, and the kids move to a new house. It'll be strange going to the new place for the first few times. The last 12 years I've gotten used to going to the old place but I'll manage. I wonder how many times I'm going to head towards the old house and then realize "Doohh! Wrong way man."
Belated Birthday Dinner for J
Tomorrow night we'll have J over for his belated birthday dinner. The menu:- Shrimp in a black bean and garlic sauce with bamboo shoots out of the garden
- vegetarian moo shu
- Roasted vegetable soup
- Wine and more wine and port
We'll also be giving him a copy of Beppe Severgnini's "La Bella Figura: A Field Guide to the Italian Mind"
Jazz show tonight
I went to the Manchester's Craftsmen's Guild tonight for a jazz concert to kick off their 20th season. It was a good show. Joe Negri had to fill in for the guitarist who was ill. I hope he recovers.
Homeward bound - Day #3
Sunday:
Flight from DFW to Reagan National went off smoothly. Then a few hours of quality time at Reagan National. Plane was a bit late. Monday:I was dragging ass tired but everyone who saw me said they didn't need to ask how my trip & weekend were. Thursday:I've still got that stupid mischevious grin on my face.
Dallas - Day #2
Saturday:
I took my time getting up.
- I'm on vacation
- the breakfast buffet doesn't close until 11:00 am
- there are no events until 2:00pm.
We hung out after breakfast watching TV. We headed over the the hotel where the festivities were taking place and positioned ourselves at the bar and had a few drinks. Boy, I was thirsty in Texas!
2:00 to 4:00 pm: Q & A session with Steve (Luke) Lukather and Dave LaRue. Ask them whatever you like. Very cool to get their perspective on the music business, touring, equipment, current crop of musician, the future of music/musicians, their influences, and how they got started. We got to play with their guitars and basses. We hung out and chatted with them. They are both so down to Earth and approachable considering how well they play and how well respected they are in the business.
More time in the lounge hanging out with the group. Dinner wasn't until 7:30.
Saturday night: Cajun buffet. Crawfish etoufe, Shrimp Creole, jambalaya, and blackend grouper. Killer!
After dinner the birthday boy's band played a set. Then the All Star band (Luke, Dave, John Ferraro, Tony Spinner) played for over an hour. I was blown away. I've seen Dave LaRue a few times with Steve Morse but I've never seen Luke or the rest of the band play. They were great.
Excellent time with all the musicians & new friends.
How was your trip Chowderhead?
I'm going to break my trip up into a few posts just to stretch things out.
Background information: S went on and on about last year's get together and all the great people he met. When I heard there was going to be another get together I couldn't miss it! He was right, 5 star, A#1 party.
Friday: Getting there was a bit of an odyssey. We pulled away from the gate in PIT and waited for 10 minutes. The pilot finally came on and announced they can't get engine #1 started. They've called for a mechanic. We need to sit & wait. 10 minutes later the pilot came on and said they've not been able to get a mechanic so we're headed back to the terminal. (Better to find out now that there's a problem!) I get off the plane and bee line it for the Special Services counter to make alternate flight arrangements.
Me: Hello. I was just on flight @#$%. It had mechanical difficulties and came back to the terminal. I need to get to Dallas by late afternoon. I don't care what route. I don't have any checked bags.
Special Services rep: OK. Let me see what I can do for you...
5 minutes later I'm booked to CLT on the next flight out. The flight was uneventful.
I was wondering if the CLT to DFW flight was the same one S and B were on since they were supposed to fly from CLT to DFW and arrive about 4:15. I bet it is. I'll look for them when I land...
Sure enough at the first bar I get to S and B have been there for a few hours drinking Guinness!! Bastards! I sneak up behind them and say "A funny thing happened on the way to Dallas" With startled looks they turn around. We have a good laugh as I tell them about my first attempt to leave PGH.
We flew to Dallas with the touring company of the Radio City Rockettes and a few midgets (dwarfs, small people, wee folks. I have no idea what the proper term is but I'm sure I'm not being PC about it)
Anyways.. A few observations..
- The Rockettes DO NOT travel light. Each one of them had 2 XXXL "Carry ons" that had problems fitting in the overhead bins. You'd think for the travelling group they'd know exactly what size bags to use. They should have it down to a sciene. But they didn't.
- You'd think they'd move along quickly and be seated. Get the flying part over quickly. Nope. They had to mull about. Chit chat. And generally hold up the flight taking off for 10 or 15 minutes.
- They are young. Most of them looked to be in their late teens early 20's.
- They were OK looking but not HOT!! You'd think for dancers they'd be smokin'. I guess make-up and being further from the audience... S told me it's more about their build and dancing ability than their looks. Models need to look hot but dancers not as much.
- They're a very nice, friendly, enthusiastic bunch.
I noticed the midgets in the terminal.( I don't see midgets everyday.) I noticed there were quite a few of them. I was wondering if they were headed to a convention or something. Well, it turns out they're part of the Christmas show the Rockettes are putting on in Dallas.
Save for the midgets and dancers the flight was uneventful.
I've come to the conclusion I have a midget curiosity and a slight Rockette's dependency. :-)
Anyways...
We hang out at the hotel with some of the other people coming in for the get together. Really cool people. They came from all over the world and all professions. Their common thread is they're guitar or bass players who are passionate about Music Man instruments.
The evening was spent at Love and War in Texas. The BBQ was outta sight. The ribs came off the bone, the beef brisket was fork tender, the chicken was perferctly Tex-Mex flavored. The BBQ sauce was sweet with just a hint of fire. Fabulous! And, Shiner Bock in buckets!
After dinner, BP started things off by having the birthday boy's band start things off with a set. Then it was open jam time. BP would call members of the forum up to the stage. They'd pick their instrument of choice and jam. It was a blast to watch & listen to all these musicians with different styles and techniques. The music was great. They are all so talented. (I haven't touched my guitar in over 15 years but this weekend has inspired me to pick it up and give it a shot.)
Everyone was so nice eventhough I'd never met them before. Friendly, funny, approachable, and partiers!!! B commented Saturday morning about how much S and I drank. He thinks I must have had at least 2 buckets of beer. S agreed. All I'll say is "I wasn't counting! Or worried! Since I wasn't driving!" If I had to count I clearly remember 5 empties, 2 in my hands and 2 in the bucket in front of me. (This was half way though dinner.) I know I had more beer but again, I wasn't counting...
I'm glad none of you knew me when I did this on a regular basis. I wasn't always as responsible as I am now :-)
T minus 12 hours
I'm leaving in about 12 hours for the airport to go to Dallas for the b-day party. I can't wait. I've been needing a break for a few weeks now. I never thought watching a group could be so tiring but it is. I feel a bit burned out since I have to keep performing my regular duties in addition to watching the gang.
Pre-Birthday dinner
Since I'll be in Dallas when J's birthday occurrs, I figured I'd have him over for a pre B-day dinner. (He didn't know it was pre-b-day dinner. No worries he'll have a nice dinner when I get back for his official b-day dinner.) The menu: - Salad
- Cous Cous with Porcinni mushrooms, walnuts, and parsley
- Grilled Pork chops with fresh herbs. Port and raisin reduction.
- Kale sauteed with onions and port
A couple bottles of yummy wine. Yes. Wine can be yummy....This one in particular was wonderful. We got it at it's peak. Gundlauch-Bundschu Bearitage. But it. Drink it. Love it.
Nice chocolates to go with the rest of the wine. Life doesn't get better than this!
Weekend getaway
I’ll be going to Dallas this weekend for a combo birthday party and guitar show.
2 things to note:
- I don’t know the guests of honor.
- I haven’t attempted to play guitar in 15 years
Ah, ChowderHead if you don’t know these people AND you don’t play the guitar, Why are you going then?
Even though I don’t play an instrument, I love music. I especially enjoy guitar music. All kinds of guitar music: new age, folk, jazz, metal, classical, rock. You get the idea.
I learned about this from S, who is a guitar player. He posts on an online forum run by Ernie Ball/Music Man, the manufacturer of his favorite guitars.
1 of the guests of honor posts regularly and sells Ernie Ball/Music Man guitars in Dallas. He & his wife’s birthday are within a week of one another. One conversation led to another on the forum and Big Poppa decided to throw them a birthday bash. And invite the forum members down for the party. We supply the transportation and lodging and Big Poppa will take care of the rest.
A couple of Big Poppa fun facts:
- He’s known for throwing a good party.
- S tells me he has good taste in food and drink.
These 2 reasons are enough for me to show up! But wait there’s more…some of the celebrity musicians that endorse Music Man guitars will be there as well so I’ll have the chance to hang out with them. They’ll be conducting master classes Saturday afternoon and playing Saturday night.
S went to the Music Man factory last year and raved on and on about the good time he had. So when this came up I jumped on it like HRH on a treat!
