Belated weekend update
Sorry I'm late with this. But I'm trying not to blog at work. I want to keep my head down. Considering what may happen to #1...
Our weekend was good. Friday night we hung out. Saturday we ran errands. Later in the day HC got the idea to take HRH out for a run. I told her the weather had been switching between raining like mad to sunny and windy. She wanted to take the chance. We get to dog park and we're the only fools there. 15 minutes of HRH walking/running around, the thunder and lightning start. We figure it's a sign to leave. Half way to the car it starts to
SLEET sideways right in our faces!
HRH cowers to the ground, HC and I are saying! "ow! Ow! , Let's get the F' out of here!" We hunker down Saturday night after changing out of our soaked clothes.
Sunday I wasted time watching the Steeler's loose another one due to mistakes! I turned the TV off in the 3rd quarter after I started yelling at the TV and the idea of throwing things at the TV strikes me as the proper course of action.
Popularity
Popularity is so nebulous. We all want it. We all crave it. Acceptance by others. Acceptance by many others. To be well regarded. To be respected. To be liked. To be thought of as cool. To have friends. To have people want to be your friend. To have people want to be with you. To have people want to be you.
- I’ve always felt socially awkward, gangly & uncoordinated. That’s why I try to hide behind humor. When I was younger, I used to operate under the premise of “Maybe you’ll let me stick around if you find me entertaining. You might even discover I’m not such a bad guy. You might even like me.”
- I’m not comfortable in crowds. Again with the awkward, gangly. What to say? What to do? I feel much more comfortable in small groups or 1 on 1. You’re likely to interact with more of the real me versus the clown/entertainer/outrageous me in a more intimate setting.
I don’t know where these feelings started. Probably when I started going to school.
I didn’t have many friends in grade school. I was awkward. I didn’t know what to say. What to do. I was different. I wasn’t like the other kids. I was “Them”.
The situation was no different in HS. With all the cliques and groups.
- I was smart enough but I wasn’t into what the smart kids liked. Strike 1.
- Not an athlete. Strike 2.
- Not attractive enough to hang with the pretty crowd. Strike 3.
- Not rich enough to buy my way in. Strike 4.
- I didn’t wear the “in” clothes. Strike too many to matter.
I actually had friends in College. I’ve kept in touch with most of them. They are all good, solid, and understanding people. Maybe college was the right place for me to start growing. It was the place where everyone was in the same situation: All out of our comfort zones. Away from home for the first time. Away from what we’ve known for all our lives. Away from our cliques. Everyone’s a rookie. A newbie. Fresh meat. I began to contemplate who I was and what I was about. "You know. This is probably a good chance for me to invent/discover myself."
I came into my own in my twenties to mid thirties. I did a lot of soul searching for the: Why’s, How’s, What if’s of popularity? “What” did I need to do/say/wear/be to be more popular?
I slowly came to the conclusion: “Since I haven’t figured out the secret what/why/how of being popular or liked…Fuck it. Let it go. Don’t worry about what others think. People will either like you or they won’t. Be yourself. Do what’s right for you and won’t hurt others. It really doesn’t matter if you’re popular or not. You still need to do what’s right. You need to be able to look at yourself in the morning.”
This little epiphany made life a lot easier for me. I didn’t have to waste all the time and effort trying to do/own/wear/say/be the right thing to make everybody like me. It freed me from looking for that elusive “it” and allowed me to just be.
“Being myself” has been an ever evolving process. It’s difficult, slow, and painful going from trying to please and being accepted by everyone to being myself. All my life I’ve worked at trying to please and be accepted. (And making myself miserable and crazy in the process.) Then all of a sudden to realize a new strategy was required. It’s hard to break out of the old ways of thinking & acting. Like I said, it’s an ever evolving process.
I’ve come to accept (or reject) people for who and what they are. No games. No need for you to change. You are who you are. Conversely, don’t expect me to change. I am who I am. I am what I am. Not that I haven’t changed or grown. But don’t expect me to change to please you. I will change to please me.
I know I wouldn’t be who I am today without going through all of this. The process of discovery sucked but it needed to happen. I’m happier being myself instead of trying to be something I’m not. I’m more comfortable with who I am now. I still feel uncomfortable in crowds or large groups but that’s just me. I don’t feel the need to be the center of attention all the time anymore. Or to have to find a hole to hide in.
I’m blessed to have a good solid core of friends and family that love and accept me the way I am. Flaws and all.
I'm not sure if I’m any more popular now than I was when I was younger. The difference is now it doesn't matter to me.
So yeah. All of life’s experiences: the hurts, slights, insults. Have made me who I am. Hopefully more aware and sensitive to others. But I am who I am.
Travel
I got the idea for a travel post from Jim McKee’s comment on my Missed Opportunity post. He’d love to get a job that has some travel involved. I’m all for it. I say “Go for it Jim!” I think everyone should travel. You don’t have to do or go anywhere fancy or elaborate. Just get out there. It’s a great big world worth seeing.
I love to travel. I think it started when I was young. We were taught to stay close so we wouldn’t get lost or kidnapped. (The kidnapping thing was just to scare us into listening and staying close. Sadly, it’s a real concern today.) Sometimes it was just to the store but other times it was to local attractions. My parents were always working so we’d go on short excursions with them. Our Godmother was the one who would take us on day trips to attractions that were a few hours away.
Why travel?
- New stimuli: The new places, food, language, customs, people, and landscape. The new sights, sounds, and smells. It’s fun to learn your way around a new & different city/country.
- Traveling gives you good stories. My friend D used to wonder why I always had a story on hand. Travel. We all need to get out and experience the world. Travel helps to make us better rounded and interesting.
D: “Why do the girls gravitate to you?”
Me: “Funny silly crazy stories.”
D: “How come you have so many?”
Me: “Because I go out and do things. I don’t just sit around and read about life. I go out and live life.”
Internationally I’ve been to: 
the UK, France, Hong Kong, Aruba, Grand Caymans, Tahiti, Cancun, Canada. Someday I’d like to go to Italy, Spain, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, and the Mediterranean countries.
Traveling abroad gives me the chance to appreciate what I have. It reminds me of how lucky I am to live in the US and have opportunities to better myself (and to buy stuff). For example, in Europe and Asia not everyone owns a car. Not everyone owns a house. Not everyone can move around the country. Or go from job to job. There just isn’t that sense of freedom. The biggest difference I noticed was space. In a lot of those places it seemed like you were living right on top of one another. Everything was teeny, tiny, cramped in Europe & Asia. The shower stalls, the hotel rooms, the restaurants, people’s apartments. We have space in the US, it’s cramped in the rest of the world.
Domestically I’ve been to many of our states. 
I drove across the country with D when he got a job in Seattle so I got to see a bit of the west. When I was a trainer I got to see a lot of the major metropolitan cities. I’ve been to the southwest (Grand Canyon, Arches NP, etc) and northern California (wine country) repeatedly because those are 2 of my favorite places in the US. Absolutely breathtaking scenery.
Business travel is a different beast. When it’s for work you’re on the clock. You have to get there by a certain time. You’ll be expected to perform.
The good side of traveling for work is it’s on someone else’s money. You can go to nicer restaurants, you stay at good hotels, you meet all kinds of people, new stimuli, change of routine, etc.. When traveling for work there’s the added challenge of deadlines, hitting milestones, and the need to think on your feet. When I’m brought in, I tend to be a focal point at a site. I’m looked at as a subject matter expert. Whether I’m doing the work or just planning/supervising the work. It’s quite good for my ego: “I’m the hotshot brought in to make it happen.”
The negative side is the long hours at work, strange hours you might have to work, strange places you might have to work, time away from family and friends, the added challenge of deadlines, hitting milestones, the need to think on your feet, the spotlight because you’re the hotshot brought in to make it happen.
There are cities I’ve been to that I’ve only seen the airport and the office. For example, I have no idea what Charlotte, NC is like. And the airports. They’re a mess. I understand the need of security. Why doesn’t everybody else? Why are people still trying to bring knives on to planes? Why do you think that huge 100 pound bag that you can barely lift is going to fit in the overhead compartment? I hate to be exclusionary but air travel was better 15 to 20 years ago when fewer people were traveling. Now all these clueless people are traveling and it gets annoying when they’re holding up the security line with their forbidden articles or the boarding process with their 5 oversized bags.
So Jim, if you’re OK with change and diversity/adversity then traveling for work might work for you. If you’re someone who enjoys routine and doesn’t respond well to change then traveling for work will definitely NOT be for you.
