But wait there's more
How much stress can I handle?- crazy job
- pregnant wife
- sister in town for a visit
wait for it....
Dad admitted to the hospital. Yep. 1 of the potential side effects of using Prednisone is diabetes. None of us recognized some of the signs of diabetes. (tiredness, dry mouth, constant urination). Fortunately, he had a routine doctor's visit scheduled on Monday. His blood sugar level couldn't be measured with the meter in the doctor's office. His doctor had him admitted right away. They were able to get him stablized and released him last night.
He's going to stay with us for a few days just to ease him back into his normal flow.
Labels: Family, Health, Parents, Update
What's been going on?
Sorry I haven't posted recently. Here's what's been going on...Work: Hasn't let up. It's kept me running around like a chicken without a head. They have no idea what they want but they want it ASAP, yesterday if not sooner. And they don't tell me what they need and then get on conference calls and complain!?!? How can I help you when you don't let me know your needs? I've been trying to remember to do my breathing exercises to keep my stress at a manageable level. (It's helped a little) I've been walking HRH after work. That's helped too.Miata: Finally all fixed up. New clutch & glove box lock. I'm tops down again!! Oh I forgot to mention the new glove box latch was needed because someone tried to break into the Miata when we went up to Morraine State Park a while back. They stole a pair of $5 sunglasses from the center console and broke the lock on the glove box. You know whoever they are are really hard up when they need to steal $5 sunglasses. I hope they enjoy the cheap sunglasses as much as I did. I'm glad they didn't get into the glove box though since I had a 12 CD holder in there...HC: She's doing well. Busy with work and getting sporadic painting jobs here & there. HRH: Unsatisfied with the amount of food & toys his peeps give him. Always planning his next escape attempt in search of the land of food-&-toys-a-plenty.The Daddy-o: Doing well. He's been going on his daily walks. He's in good spirits. He had me took into a trip to Montreal for him last week. (I've stopped telling him it's cheaper if you plan your trip at least 14 days in advance.) It's his money and he can spend it however he chooses. I'm not used to him being this way. All my life he's been very frugal with money. So to have him pass up the opportunity to save some money for the same service/item is strange to me. But I guess it does add to the spontaneity AND besides he's not getting any younger so you never know...Me: Still frazzled & burned out. I need to get motivated to find my "What's next?" HC's been very supportive but I need to get motivated to read my "What Color is your Parachute" book and do the exercises. Most days I'm so tired at the end of the work day all I want to do is go home & hide. Thinking is T-H-E L-A-S-T thing I want to do. But I need to do it. I'll know when the time is right. I've noticed in my life things do happen for a reason. If I can see & learn the lesson I'm supposed to, I'll move on to the next phase/step in my life. Oh yeah. It was my birthday last Tuesday. HC took me to Whisper's Pub for dinner. The food, service, and atmospere were very nice. We'll be going back!Kids: We're back to going back & forth. Concerns about risks to HC's health. Concerns about having the time, energy, and money to raise a child. Concerns about how it will change our lives. We like our life together now. What's a child going to do to the mix?!?! Concerns about how good a parent I'd be. After all, I'm not the most patient person....Labels: Birthday, Cars, ChowderHead 101, Colored Parachutes, Family, frustrations, HC, HRH, jobs, Miata, Parents, Time to get on with my life, Update
1 less thing to worry about
The Daddy-O made it home safe & sound from Toronto today. I was worried because he hasn't gone on a long drive in years. (At least 15 years. Maybe 20) And he's always getting lost.He had a good time. Made it there and back safe & sound. He really likes his car. (2003 Honda Accord.) He said it drove very nicely and was very comfortable. AND it has GPS!!! I added the address to the hotel and 1 of our relatives into the trip computer before he left so all he needed to do was press a couple of buttons on the touch screen display and viola!! It would show him a map AND provide voice instructions. I also programmed the "Go home" button for him so where ever he was he could be directed home with the press of a button.He really liked the GPS. He said it was like an adult leading a child. "Turn left in .25 miles", etc... Ain't technology great!?!I'm happy he had a good time visiting friends and relatives. He'd been laying low this year due to health issues. And it had been making him stir crazy. He needed to get away for a few days. It was just what he needed.Labels: Family, Parents, Things that worry me
I'm a bit stressy
I
feel like I'm in a pressure cooker:- Work has been frantic. They want it ASAP. It doesn't matter if I tell them it's not reasonable/possible. They want it ASAP! Yesterday! Immediately if not sooner! Sometimes they don't know what they want but it still needs to be there ASAP. I've been telling my boss about some of their demands and all she can do is shake her head... Will it ever come into fashion to tell the customer the truth? (That they're on crack! And need to take off the rose colored glasses)
- Health: I had a doctor's appointment today. More check-ups related to age & children. Fun stuff. I wonder: Would I be a good father? Where will I find the time? Where will I find the money? Am I too set in my ways? I know I've got a temper, will I ever take it out on the child?
- Cars: The Miata's clutch gave out on me today on the way to work. That added to the fun & stress of getting to work early to get a few things done before seeing the Doc. The Audi needed tires, brakes, and suspension components to pass inspection. The Honda needed a tire & a wheel bearing.
- Finances: We've been spending money like it's going out of style. The cars have eaten up the lion's share. HC saw some cool artwork we needed to have. The AC needed work. The trees need to be pruned/trimmed. The patio and front walkway are pulling away from the house & cracking.
- The Dad: Is driving up to Toronto!!! I'm glad he's feeling better. Well enough to want to go on a drive. But it's been years (over 15) since he's driven for that l-o-n-g. His driving around town scares the bejesus out of me & HC. He drives the speed limit. Let's face it, no one drives the speed limit. He's sloppy when he makes turns. He's never hit any cars but I don't understand the need to cut the corners so tight OR wide. No. He's not one of those elderly people that get into accidents all the time. In fact, his driving record is pretty clean except he did hit an ice patch a few years back that crumpled up the front bumper & fenders real nice. But I still have my concerns. Toronto is 6 hours away. I'll need to remind him to take a break if he's feeling tired. I'm worried
Labels: Cars, Family, Health, house, Miata, Parents, Update
Step up!
My crank, angry, and stress factors have been going up as of late. It’s taking a lot less to set me off. It’s taken me some time to figure out what’s up.
Part of it is: I’m mentally & emotionally exhausted. For the past 10 years, we’ve been attending to sick parents. All 4 of them have taken their turns and had their episodes. (Other than my Dad, all of it long term conditions.)
This last episode with my Dad really got me upset and thinking.
I’m fed up:
- Of always being the ones (HC & I) who “step up” and take responsibility for things.
- Of siblings not helping out with parents & their issues.
- Of siblings picking and choosing what they want to do, what they don’t want to do, and when they want to do it.
- Of always having to be the “Better person” and step up, or having to place my needs on the back burner.
How come it’s always us? How come we don’t get to pick & choose? How come it’s always us taking care of things? How come we always have to be the “Better person”? Where’s my “get out of responsibility” card?
If everyone stepped up and/or cooperated it’d make it easier for all concerned. I know I’m not perfect. I know I have flaws but come on people step up!! Just a little?
I know I can’t do much about getting others to step up to responsibilities. All I can do is adjust my attitude about it. Maybe try not to get so worked up about it. Maybe try to avoid them so I don’t open my mouth and say something I’ll regret later. It is what it is. They are who they are.
Labels: Family, frustrations, inconsiderate people, jobs, Parents, Rant, things I don't understand, Update
Sister
Maybe we spent too much time together growing up & working together. Maybe it has to do with 2 strong personalities with strong opinions. Maybe this is how brother’s & sister’s get along. Maybe we’re more alike than I’d like to think. Whatever it is, my stress level is always elevated when my Sister is around. I’m trying to be better about “letting go” and not being pissed at her actions but it’s tough. I’ve tried not to be so vocally critical of her the past few years. But sometimes she does things that just confound and piss me off.
#1: Why? Come up to “Take care” of the Dad. And then make all sorts of evening plans to go out to dinner with your friends. HC says it’s fair and OK since she’s around in the morning and afternoon. I think if she wants to see these people she should come up another time. Her reason for coming up this time was to take care of her Father who was going to be recuperating from surgery.
#2: Why? Say you’re a morning person but don’t end up getting out of bed until after I’ve made Dad breakfast and/or I am heading out the door to go to work? I’m not a morning person. Never have been. Never will be. Would never say I was. 1 morning I heated up breakfast for my Dad. The next morning my Dad heated up his own breakfast. It’s not the cooking that irked me since my Dad is more than capable of cooking for himself. It’s the I-came-up-to-take-care-of-you-but-I’m-still-sawing-logs-like-crazy-when-you-need-me that bothered me. Again, HC said my Dad is not a subtle man. If he needs something he’ll let you know. If he wanted her to make him breakfast he would have let her know. Very true but still it bugs me. Interesting fact is: she got up early (6:00 am) to get her ass back to DC?!? Funny how that happened…
I think it has to do with our differing thoughts and feelings about duty & responsibility. She’s always been the 1 to do just enough to get by. She can/could do so much more but has always chosen to do just enough to get by. For example, she could have gotten A’s in school but B’s took less effort. She’s smart and talented and could do anything she set her mind to. But she chooses not to.
I was required to do the best I could. Sometimes better than I thought I could. B’s were not an option. “I’m the son. It’s my responsibility to _________. It’s my job to ________”. Failure is not an option. Doing poorly is not an option. I must be better than everyone else. No time to relax there is always a task that needs to be worked on.
Maybe I’ve got it wrong and my sister has it right. I’m driving myself to excess stress and an early grave. Maybe I need to slow down and just get by once in a while. Maybe I need to not be pushing so hard. So critical of myself and others.
I’ll need to think on this. This may be another revelation… I’m on a roll!!!Labels: Family, frustrations, Parents, Rant, Update
So what's been going on?
What's been going on? Why haven't you been posting as often as you usually do?Well, Now that things are slowing down I have time to let you all know what’s been going on the past few weeks.
Work: As busy as ever. Always something going on. I need to slow down a little bit. I’m always trying to do too many things at once. I get them all done but I’m frazzled for it.
I made a realization the other day: “Other than lunch and bathroom, I don’t take any breaks throughout the day.”
I’m either at my desk with e-mails & calls or at meetings. Some people take smoke breaks. Others take coffee breaks. I need to slow down and take a few breaks throughout the day myself. I think it’ll help my stress level and mental state.
LIFE: Within a few days of us coming back from Costa Rica, the Dad went in for out patient surgery. The surgery was a success and he’s doing OK and recovering now.
Last July he went in for a Transurethral Resection of the Prostate. We refer to it affectionately as “The Roto-Rooter”. The resection was a success BUT a side effect was 1 of his testicles swelled to the size of a DUCK EGG. I don’t know if you know “how” large a duck egg is….BUT it’s bigger than a chicken egg AND certainly bigger than a human testicle should be. Anyways, his Urologist said this is common and “give it a few months for the swelling to go down”. Well the swelling didn’t go down so the Dad had to go in for a Left Hydrocelectomy. And since the urologist was there, he threw in a Cystoscopy and Uretheral Dialation. The Dad’s plumbing is as good as new and he should be peeing like a champ now. My Suster was thinking of nicknaming my Dad "Left Nut"....
So yes, within a few days of coming back from a very relaxing, lovely vacation we had my Dad recovering with us for a week. My Sister came up from DC to help out. So it was a full house. And full of activity.
All of this commotion took the wonderful relaxing vacation feeling and flushed it right down the toilet. It left me
wondering if it wasn’t a big waste of money. I felt great while I was there but that relaxed, calm feeling didn’t make it a week once I got home!Labels: Family, frustrations, Health, Parents, Update
Parents...You can't live with them. You wouldn't be alive without them.
The story behind the yelling & screaming on my Dad’s part last week: (Sorry it took so long to post this but I was a bit too mad to write about this rationally)
The Daddy-O called out of the blue last Wednesday afternoon to see if I’d paid the Real Estate taxes yet. I was annoyed because he 1) called me at work 2) over something so trivial and 3) I didn’t have the answer for him.
I remember replying in a frustrated “I don’t know?!” He didn’t like my tone, started yelling, and hung up. Like a dumb ass, I called him back right away to try to talk to him. I should have let him cool down a bit before calling back. (I take after him. If I’m mad it’s better of you let me be mad for a bit before talking to me. I’m not ready to talk. I’m ready to scream. I’m ready to say mean, angry, nasty, irrational things.) Anyways, I called him back and he continued his rant and hung up on me again.
Background:
1) The Daddy-O has been a bit sad/depressed about my Mom’s passing. She’s been gone over 4 years and he’s really been good about her not being around. It was rough in the beginning but he had been good since then. The past few months he’s been a bit moody and irritable. He’d also bring her up a lot more and reminisce about all the hard work they did together to keep the restaurant going. He feels cheated because after they retired they only had a few years before she got really sick with various lung ailments. And then it was 6 years of suffering for my Mom AND 6 years of tending to my Mom for my Dad. I think he also feels guilty for having lived and being relatively healthy. We are looking at getting him counseling services.
2) I’d forgotten about my Dad’s anger. Growing up, he always had a quick temper. He’d yell and scream at us and make us really scared. But then after a little bit he’d get over it and be OK. I remember it was tough growing up because I was never sure what would set him off. Thankfully, the really explosive episodes didn’t happen often. (He never hit us. Just a lot of loud yelling and screaming.) I think I got my anger and way to react when I’m angry from him. Because when I’m angry I do the same kind of things: yell, scream, say all sorts of mean, nasty, irrational things.
You wouldn’t know it to see him & talk to him now. He’s a different person now. Much more mellow and easy going. That’s why it caught me so off guard his reaction to my “I don’t know”.
3) With my Mom's various illnesses any call from the parent's number could have been an emergency and always made me nervous & tense. I'm still this way even though she's been gone for almost 5 years. So when I saw it was my Dad I thought it was something important.
My neurosis:
Thinking back now, part of the reason I try to have all the answers and be prepared for a lot of things is because I always wanted to avoid his anger. If he asked me anything I always wanted to have the answer so I wouldn’t get yelled at. If he needed something I wanted to be ready so I wouldn’t get yelled at. I always wanted to have all of my chores/tasks done ahead of time to avoid his anger.
This episode is a perfect example: If I’d remembered when my taxes were due I could have told him I had not paid them yet because they were not due until the end of May. Instead I didn’t know and was frustrated at myself for not knowing AND frustrated at him for asking me out of the blue about them. And YES I’m sure I could have told him I didn’t know in a nicer tone but I was frustrated that he would call me at work over something like this. It’s 1 thing if we’d talked about it before so I knew this question was coming up but I had no idea there was going to be a pop quiz about my real estate taxes when I picked up the phone. And it’s not like he called me at home where I could have easily pulled out my checkbook and had a look and given him an answer ASAP.
Oh yeah that’s another thing about my Dad. If he wants you to do something. That means do it now. ASAP. Or you are going to hear about it!!!
I was also frustrated at him because I was busy at work and didn’t need to be interrupted about something so stupid. (It’s not like I’ve ever missed a tax payment or mortgage payment. I take all bills seriously. Especially house related bills.) How ironic my sister and I were not allowed to get calls at the restaurant while we were growing up because it was the “business” phone. And yet he feels it’s OK to call me on my business phone over something like real estate taxes…. Growing up I probably got less than 10 calls at the restaurant. Not like I had many friends anyways since I was always working or studying so I didn’t have time for friends or activities. It was a lot rougher on my sister who is much more social than I am. I don’t know how my sister made it through adolescence living with those restrictions. I guess there’s a reason she moved 5 hours away after college!!!!!
Labels: Family, frustrations, Parents, Rant
Pulled Chowder
I feel stretched out. Pulled in too many directions. Over-extended. I don't feel like I'm able to meet all the demands/expectations of me. I know it's mostly self-imposed demands/expectations but it's still stressing me out.
I feel mentally and emotionally drained by all these demands. There are days I want a little "me" time. Just to sit & vege or to do what I want instead of what everybody else wants/needs. (Sometimes I hate being a responsible adult) I'm going to blame my parents for pounding responsibility and duty into my thick skull. :-) And now that it's lodged in there I can't get it out. Or even let go a little bit. (I know I need to let go of the peanuts regarding this. It's too damn much. But that's how I feel right now.) So I'm OCD about responsibility and duty. And it's my parents fault. I wonder if I can get a pill for that... Or maybe a grant to study this...
The MCG Jazz concerts help. They give me a few hours of peace and distraction. But even at the shows I catch myself thinking about outside things. I make myself stop and focus on the present and enjoy the show. But the outside thoughts sometime get in the way and it annoys me. So instead of fully being in the present and enjoying the show, I'm thinking and stressing about things.Labels: ChowderHead 101, Family, frustrations, Music, Parents, Rant, show
Not enough hours in the day
There are not enough hours in the day for everything I need/want to get done. It's very frustrating. It's one of the reasons I'm seeing the EAP rep at work.
It's making me crazy trying to be the best worker, best husband, best son, best homeowner, best ??? all rolled into 1 AND within the 24 hours in a day we all have to work with. I try to do my best but always seem to be falling short somewhere. And then I get mad at myself for it and beat myself up...
Case in point this week:
- Work was pretty busy. I didn't have much scheduled at the beginning of the week. But as the days went on I was busy every day until quittin' time.
- After work I've been working on cleaning and sorting through my stuff.
- Tuesday night: I went to the Manchester Craftsmen's Guild for Bob James and the Angel's of Shanghai. It was a very entertaining concert. It was interesting how the group was able to combine the Jazz of Bob James and the traditional Chinese instruments. Very cool.
- Wednesday: I managed to get my Dad to yell at me over the phone and hang up on me. This will be another post. But suffice it to say I felt like a bad son.
- I took today & tomorrow off. I needed to get some things done around the house (cleaning, sorting through my stuff, gardening) & run some errands.
- Tonight: I went to A Night of Guitars presented by Earl Klugh at the MCG. Another really good show. The 3 guitarists played wonderfully. And you could tell they were having a blast on stage.
So yes this demanding life is really stressing me out because I don't feel like I'm able to meet all the demands/expectations of me. I know it's mostly self-imposed demands/expectations but it's still stressing me out. I feel pulled in so many directions. And stretched too thin everywhere. I wish I had more time to do everything I need to do.
Labels: Family, frustrations, Music, Parents, show
HC’s birthday dinner
My Dad took us out to the Middle Road Inn for HC’s birthday dinner last night. The Middle Road Inn is a nice local bar & restaurant. No, it’s not as fancy as the Point Brugge Café but the food is good and the people are nice. HC had a sandwich. The Daddy-o and I opted for their All-you-can-eat Crab Legs. My Dad and I were pigs! In our defense the Middle Road Inn enabled us to be pigs. Usually if you go to an all you can eat place they start you out with a couple of crab leg clusters or ribs or fish fillets or wings. Then they’ll check in on you in 20 minutes or so. If you ask for more, they’ll bring you 2 or 3 more. The pace is usually slow. They’re hoping you’ll notice you were full 2 plates ago or tired of waiting before you eat all you can eat. Also they usually try to fill you up on sides or bread. (Gee it sounds like I’m talking from experience of something….Not like I’ve ever gone to all you can eat places.) I guess I should add glutton to my profile. I love food. Making it. Eating it. The Middle Road Inn does not use this strategy, they start you off with a heaping plate of 6 crab clusters and bring out refills 6 clusters at a time. The crab legs were meaty, hot, and fresh. The meat was sweet. No need for the drawn butter.Seafood tip: Fresh seafood does not smell or taste “fishy”.
Honestly, my Dad and I each had a plate and a half of crab legs. In the context of “all you can eat” that’s not that much. In the context of crab legs, that’s a lot-o-crab. In the context of watching what I eat and smaller portions, that was a lot of food. I could’ve eaten more but the “smaller portions” voice in my head eventually became louder than the sound of cracking exoskeleton. So I couldn’t ignore it anymore and had to stop. Now that’s not to say I wasn’t full. I was full after the first plate… Some vices die H-A-R-D!!!!!!Labels: Birthday, food, Parents
A rose by any other name?
Naphthalene....Oh you know it. The active ingredient in Moth Balls. That headache/nausea inducing smell. That’s naphthalene. My parents always used Moth Balls. A L-O-T of Moth Balls. You’d open a closet or a drawer and be assaulted with the heavy smell of Moth Balls. (The funk would damn near knock you to your knees.) I always figured my parents were the victims of some kind of vicious moth infestation/attack in the past that must have done some major damage to their clothes. And with God as their witness, they-were-not-going-to-let-that-happen-again!!
As a result, my sister and I weren’t big fans of Moth Balls. Couldn’t stand the smell of them. I’d use them sparingly since I knew they were effective in keeping moths away. But man! I wasn’t so sure the defense was any better than the moths. When I was older, I learned about cedar’s ability to ward off moths. I burned a path to the nearest housewares store and switched right away to cedar blocks, balls, and planks in all of my drawers and storage containers. If I was going to be afraid of moths and the damage they could inflict, at least my clothes could smell nice instead of making me gag!
So fast forward to this past weekend. We took my Dad on a ride up to the Grove City outlet shops on Saturday. (We’d hit some sales. Kill some time. Get out and walk around.) The smell of moth balls was so concentrated in my Dad’s clothes that it was making HC sick on the car ride up to the shops. She was getting a headache and feeling a bit queasy.
HC and I talked about it that night after dropping my Dad off. She was really getting sick from the smell. We had to come up with some kind of strategy to get my Dad to lighten up with the Moth Balls.
My Dad came over on Sunday after church to hang out. Well, again he was smelling up the house with Moth Balls. (The naphthalene smell is so strong that you can smell it hours after he’s left the house.) This is when I decided to approach him about his naphthalene assault.
With my Dad, you’ve got to come up with a plan to get things to happen. There’s always strategy involved. Nothing is ever simple or straightforward. (I guess that’s where I get it from.) Anyways, I asked him about why the heavy handed use of the Moth Balls. I reminded him our friend the Chief said they were bad for you and could irritate the lungs. Maybe we could switch him to another remedy if he was concerned about moths attacking his clothes.
My Dad told me just that day one of his friends at church mentioned the Moth Balls. (Bingo! I had an in. We were ganging up on him now. I’ve got a chance to get him to switch.) If I had approached him solo with the idea to switch from naphthalene, it would have taken many attempts to get him thinking about it. But if one of his friends mentions it AND I mention it, then he’ll consider the idea quicker.
As we were talking about Moth Balls and the whole “Why so many”, he tells me it’s not as much for moth repellency as body odor. Yes you read that right. My Dad is worried about BO. He’d rather damn near kill you with the naphthalene cloud around him than have his jackets, coats, and sweaters cleaned. I kid you not! I can’t make this kind of shit up!!!!
So I told him all of his clothes should be either laundered or dry cleaned. It would get rid of any BO and help them last longer. He smiled at me. I could tell he was skeptical. I’ll have to hit him up with this a few more times. Oy! The gyrations I have to go through to get my Dad to do anything!!!!
HC suggested I go over there and purge his place of all Moth Balls. “He’s never going to do it. You’re going to have to go over there and get rid of every last 1 of them. And you’ll need to buy some of those odor removers to get rid of the remaining smell.”
I know she’s right. I’m going to have to clamp down, make a trip over to his place, and get rid of all the Moth Balls. It’s going to be a chore. I’ll let you know how much of the stuff I collect.Labels: Parents
